Sooth

The world is alone but for us tonight,
Serenade me with a sorrow found
You, bind me.

Let me in where
Shackles of your mind,
That thrust you forward
Hold you back.

Swim in a silent past
Shrieking, screaming, praying
Both lay numb now.

Memory’s monsters
Slowly cease slumber
You begin to share as I
Shudder.

Dedicated to Vineetha.
P.S Sorry Sunil, for the blatant 'creative' theft.

Mushy stuff and me are like chalk and chocolate. Here's a try though.

Distance make the heart grow fonder
But tis the Heart that makes the distance seem longer..

English, the language
My wandering mind, like my eye, chanced upon a few peculiarities of the language:
1. You catch a cold and your nose runs.
2. Egalitarianism is not a secret sect founded by Eagles.
3. The answer to everything cannot be summarized by ‘OK’ or ‘no problem’. That’s why conversations like these seem borderline dysfunctional:
A: Good Morning.
B: OK!
A: You don’t get how this works, do you?
B: No problem.
4. Real people should not be addressed as ‘A’ or ‘B’. It’s very impersonal. Try unusual ones like ‘F’ or ‘U’. At least you thought that far into the alphabet.
5. ‘Maiden Over’ does not mean ‘I’m done with the woman’.
6. If a bowler is bowling then why isn’t the batter batting?
7. Words like “actually”, “basically”, “really”, ACTUALLY have no meaning. Think about it.
8. The guy who gave ‘honeycomb’ its name must have had a really sting-y wife.

9. Words like ‘weird’, ‘crap’, ‘uh-huh’, ‘yack’ sum up most of our conversations (and relationship status’ of some) and make lot more sense then most words. We bow to these words.
10. This troubles me “Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water”.
When was the last time you herd about a water body being present up a hill? Only Moses did that and he too needed God's help to do it!
Got an answer to that? Then enlighten me.

Caught!

Ok, I know and don’t lie, we all spy. It’s universal. We spy on people gossiping or who are talking about us just to get that little nuggets of information. I described previously how weird my neighbors are. The one I’m dealing here is 3-4 years older to me. He lives right across the street. He’s a serious gardener and is always taking care of the plants. I get a full view of his gardening skills from my kitchen window. So today as usual I was making some tea and looking across the street to find the faithful gardener. Suddenly his cell starts ringing and he picks it up and he is all smiles. He forgets all about his beautiful plants and is leaning on the gate and khus pussing on his phone and occasionally and tugging at the gate smiling shyly . I could think of one explanation- the gardener found his match! I continue spying and the forget about the tea. After attending to it I look up. He was gone!. I look left, right center up and down the street nowhere..Them I saw something..a face. It was him- looking at me from behind the parapet. Shit! He caught me spying on him. He counter spyed! I immediately ducked and cursed a million times, I was caught doing the thing girls are expert at after shopping and talking. I was caught spying!

Whats the deal?

Firstly for those who think this post is about the Nuclear deal. Please spare me.
Okay, down to business I continue reporting the queer and weird things that keep happening in my mundane life.
This incident really blew the bazooka in me. Mom asks me to get something from the supermarket and I go to nearby store ‘ More’. First task find the right kind of Surf. I was in no mood of finding it myself so I did what most lazy people do- I went to the store helper. But something was wrong about her she was….bumpy. Realization dawned and I noted that she was pregnant and I thought not to trouble her and turned to ask another helper. But wait… a weird bulge from somewhere. Even this lady was pregnant! DiD they hire only pregnant women? I did the only thing I could think of- went and found a male helper. No chances of bumps there right? But I turn around and I’m greeted by another –you guessed-bump. This time it was a pregnant customer and behind her another. Oh god! What was happening? Why were they everywhere? It was like in a weird science fiction movie where you turn around to find a zombie, except this movie seemed to be directed by a feminist. Every zombie I turned to was invariably pregnant. Then I realized something else. 5 against 1. But wait a ray of hope… a girl. A normal non bumpy girl walks in. Yay! Then I did what my sense told me to do..I ran Ran before even this one turns bumpy!

THINGS I JUST PLAIN DON’T GET

Below is a list of things/stuff I truly don’t get. I’ll keep adding to the list.

1. Modern Art: - I really won’t pay for something that looks like its painted by a 5 year old high on sugar and drugs.

2. Stock Market: - All the mumbo-jumbo and rattling of numbers makes me go temporarily during the 2 minutes of the bulletin. They might as well tell about the mating habits of a white whale.

3. My neighbor: - We’ve been living here from the past 3 years and we have no clue who our neighbors are. Not one. Not a clue. They all act like they are undercover spy agents. My immediate neighbor can put the KGB to shame, with the secrecy. One day the dog is there the next day its gone. Gets calls at unholy hours in the night (what am I doing up so late? Please read the URL).Can‘t even make out who live in that house. My pet theory is the lady has two husbands in the same house and neither knows the other exists. That’s the most conclusive one. Go figure.

4. Doctor’s Handwriting: - Yeah I can see you nod. I think doctors the frustration of the long hours with their scrawling scribbles. I feel bad for the chemist who has to read it. These guys would’ve taken calligraphy classes before opening a medical store. Another pet theory, doctors can blow up their written prescriptions, hang it on a wall and call it ‘Modern Art’. No one gets it. Fits the bill.

5. Trivia: - It should be re-named ‘boring. Seemingly unnecessary details, often read by a mundane brain’. For example.
- If you shout for 8 years, 6 months, 2days you’d produce enough sound energy to heat a cup of coffee.
- Polar bears cover their nose with their paws as camouflage.
- A gold fish has a memory of 3 seconds.
Why? Why do I know this information? Am I going to shout for 8 years, 6 months, 2 days and am I at war with a Polar bear that I should be alert that some camouflaged bear would trick me. The gold fish. I’m almost happy it has a lousy memory. At least it does not store the crap that I have stored.