Caught!

Ok, I know and don’t lie, we all spy. It’s universal. We spy on people gossiping or who are talking about us just to get that little nuggets of information. I described previously how weird my neighbors are. The one I’m dealing here is 3-4 years older to me. He lives right across the street. He’s a serious gardener and is always taking care of the plants. I get a full view of his gardening skills from my kitchen window. So today as usual I was making some tea and looking across the street to find the faithful gardener. Suddenly his cell starts ringing and he picks it up and he is all smiles. He forgets all about his beautiful plants and is leaning on the gate and khus pussing on his phone and occasionally and tugging at the gate smiling shyly . I could think of one explanation- the gardener found his match! I continue spying and the forget about the tea. After attending to it I look up. He was gone!. I look left, right center up and down the street nowhere..Them I saw something..a face. It was him- looking at me from behind the parapet. Shit! He caught me spying on him. He counter spyed! I immediately ducked and cursed a million times, I was caught doing the thing girls are expert at after shopping and talking. I was caught spying!

Whats the deal?

Firstly for those who think this post is about the Nuclear deal. Please spare me.
Okay, down to business I continue reporting the queer and weird things that keep happening in my mundane life.
This incident really blew the bazooka in me. Mom asks me to get something from the supermarket and I go to nearby store ‘ More’. First task find the right kind of Surf. I was in no mood of finding it myself so I did what most lazy people do- I went to the store helper. But something was wrong about her she was….bumpy. Realization dawned and I noted that she was pregnant and I thought not to trouble her and turned to ask another helper. But wait… a weird bulge from somewhere. Even this lady was pregnant! DiD they hire only pregnant women? I did the only thing I could think of- went and found a male helper. No chances of bumps there right? But I turn around and I’m greeted by another –you guessed-bump. This time it was a pregnant customer and behind her another. Oh god! What was happening? Why were they everywhere? It was like in a weird science fiction movie where you turn around to find a zombie, except this movie seemed to be directed by a feminist. Every zombie I turned to was invariably pregnant. Then I realized something else. 5 against 1. But wait a ray of hope… a girl. A normal non bumpy girl walks in. Yay! Then I did what my sense told me to do..I ran Ran before even this one turns bumpy!

THINGS I JUST PLAIN DON’T GET

Below is a list of things/stuff I truly don’t get. I’ll keep adding to the list.

1. Modern Art: - I really won’t pay for something that looks like its painted by a 5 year old high on sugar and drugs.

2. Stock Market: - All the mumbo-jumbo and rattling of numbers makes me go temporarily during the 2 minutes of the bulletin. They might as well tell about the mating habits of a white whale.

3. My neighbor: - We’ve been living here from the past 3 years and we have no clue who our neighbors are. Not one. Not a clue. They all act like they are undercover spy agents. My immediate neighbor can put the KGB to shame, with the secrecy. One day the dog is there the next day its gone. Gets calls at unholy hours in the night (what am I doing up so late? Please read the URL).Can‘t even make out who live in that house. My pet theory is the lady has two husbands in the same house and neither knows the other exists. That’s the most conclusive one. Go figure.

4. Doctor’s Handwriting: - Yeah I can see you nod. I think doctors the frustration of the long hours with their scrawling scribbles. I feel bad for the chemist who has to read it. These guys would’ve taken calligraphy classes before opening a medical store. Another pet theory, doctors can blow up their written prescriptions, hang it on a wall and call it ‘Modern Art’. No one gets it. Fits the bill.

5. Trivia: - It should be re-named ‘boring. Seemingly unnecessary details, often read by a mundane brain’. For example.
- If you shout for 8 years, 6 months, 2days you’d produce enough sound energy to heat a cup of coffee.
- Polar bears cover their nose with their paws as camouflage.
- A gold fish has a memory of 3 seconds.
Why? Why do I know this information? Am I going to shout for 8 years, 6 months, 2 days and am I at war with a Polar bear that I should be alert that some camouflaged bear would trick me. The gold fish. I’m almost happy it has a lousy memory. At least it does not store the crap that I have stored.

WON’T NAME IT

Why do strange thoughts dawn after midnight? Is it because you’re alone? A feeling of freedom that you can brood on things that were unsolicited in daylight. Are unguarded emotions your guilty pleasure? Do you feel immoral, prudent, do you question, do you blush and kiss yourself goodnight? Am I going anywhere with this? No, yes, maybe, almost, naaah……. I am not going to write about one thing in particular. I’ll write everything and nothing. Yeah, I am that lame. There will be no explanation, just random questions piled up together. Put together as and how they slip in, quiet and innocent.
Did Murphy dream? He was so happy to put facts as they are. Did he dream? Did he dare? Was he scared? Scared that he can’t explain them? Am I being him? Another one, I know, it will make no sense. Is it supposed to? Don’t you stumble upon thoughts and are just too busy to comprehend them?
Well, is there a beast in us? Will he turn barbaric when let lose? Are rules made to curb us so that we bear each other? Is there sense in that? The beast is pure, all by itself, honest. Are we forcing it in? Are we scared of that face of ours, too difficult to come to terms with the might in us? Too disgusted at what we are capable of? Do we take pleasure in it?
Are things happening to you because of Karma? What goes around comes around? Can’t anything happen by accident? Is the accident planned too? By who? God? stars?, your b’day? Murphy? Am I losing it? Have I lost it? Did I have it? What is ‘it’?
Why do we worry about the future? Why do we make lists? Car? House? Foreign trip? Two children or three? Loose 20 kilos. Why do we feel let down if we don’t get them? Asking question is easy, you say? Answering them is tough. Do I want answers? No. I want them inconclusive. Another night another passing thought. It’s what keeps me up.